Mr. Tyrannosaurus, are you being a difficult person?

My clients often ask me how to handle a difficult situation. As a coach, I work with college students with learning disabilities or ADHD. My coaching clients include adults with ADHD or simply an adult who wants  to make a change in their life.

The experts who do the research tell us that when we operate from our strengths, we will have a greater life outcome. That means we can be happier, more fulfilled and reach more of our life goals.

What are those strengths?

When I work with my coaching clients, I ask each of them to take a VIA Strengths Survey. When you take this survey you will receive a report explaining your 24 strengths.  Your top 5 strengths are referred to as your Signature Strengths. These are the strengths you flow in without exerting will power. You just do it. When you are operating from your strengths you feel energized because you are flourishing.

How does all this strengths stuff help me handle a difficult situation?

Here is one example. Let’s say you are dealing with a difficult person. You feel frustrated and offended about your last run-in with this person. You feel you need to take matters into your hands and go up the chain of authority. Straight to the top. You want to lodge a complaint with the owner of the company or the professor or the dean of the department.

This happened with my client this week. I asked him this question. What do you want? My client just wanted to get along and not be stressed out.  Then we looked at his signature strengths and asked this question. How could you use your strengths to get what you need or want?

Could I use my strengths to get along with this guy?

One of his signature strengths is social intelligence. Here is what the research says about social intelligence.

If Social Intelligence is your top strength, you are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease. You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

I asked my client when was the last time you had a positive interaction with this person. During our coaching conversation, he was able to use his social intelligence and increase his awareness of this difficult person. AND come up with an action plan to use this strength during the week.

This might seem so simple. Sometimes it is. Other times it take more time and interaction. There are no such things as Happily Ever After endings. However, when you learn to leverage your strengths to accomplish your goals you will find that you are better able to manage and overcome problems.

Learn more about your strengths at http://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths/Science-Of-Character