Learn how to  succeed in everyday college  living during a pandemic.

Everyday living during a pandemic gets stalled out when students get caught up in their failures. “I earned a C in my last exam and I could’ve done better.” Another woeful complaint I hear often is “My professor just doesn’t like me. He hates the way I write.” “I can never find my keys. I’m such a loser.” Feeling like a failure is debilitating and prevents you from going forward. You feel stuck. 

During the pandemic online class work is the new norm. Many students tell me that the online class work is so boring they just can’t stay awake. A common struggle is the isolation brought on by the pandemic. With all the stress of our nation’s events, the stress of another semester can feel overwhelming.

Over the Christmas break I found a wonderful three-step process to address everyday life events with more joy.

And who doesn’t need more joy? We all want more joy in our life. When we can feel the emotion of joy, the feeling of wellbeing then our brains have the bandwidth to solve problems, be innovative, creative and get thing done. So let’s try it out together. The process is called the Three Steps in Appreciative Living.

Focus 

 Before we take the first step, we must find a topic you want to focus on. To find the focus I want you to think of something you would like to change or improve in your life.

One of my students  had failed Chemistry I and needed to retake it in the summer. When I asked him what he needed to improve in his life, his response was “I want to find my keys in the morning.” You would’ve thought he would want to improve his study skills or time management or organization. But instead he intuitively knew that if he could just find his keys every morning his life would improve. Another student told me, “I want to find something to do each day so I can be a more positive person.” Yet another student told me “I want to get out of bed early enough to have time to shower, shave and go have a real breakfast.” Each of these students found that one something to change or improve in life.

Appreciate What Is (even during a pandemic)

Step 1 is called Appreciate What Is. The goal of this first step is to feel better. Research shows that we are better decision-makers, more creative, and more solutions-minded when we feel good. When you are down int the dumps, it is close to impossible to think about possibilities and be innovated because all you can think or see is the negative. In this step we are not ignoring the problems or the challenges. Instead we are choosing what to focus on. We are changing our focus. How?

With this focus in mind we will start with the three steps in Appreciative Living. These three steps give us a way to address everyday living.

Do this.

Put on the “goodness-glasses.” These glasses help you see only the good. Now that you have your goodness glasses in place, take out a piece of paper and list as many good things as you can about yourself. Make a list of your strengths, your positive qualities, any successes and accomplishments. List as many good things as you can about the situation you are struggling with. Ask yourself what have you learned in this situation? What are you grateful for? How could your life be better when you successfully handle this situation?

By appreciating what is you are thinking about the good of the situation and this will help you feel just a bit better. Even a tiny bit better is good. Feeling good will lead to creative thinking which is what you need in order to solve your problem, the one thing you want to change or improve.

Imagine the Ideal (in everyday college living)

Now we are ready for step 2: Imagine the Ideal.

My chemistry student might respond by saying, “When I find my keys in the morning, I will feel in charge. Not a loser. I will feel that I can conquer whatever comes up. You see when I can’t find my keys it is just a negative way to start the day. I am already a loser and I haven’t even left my apartment.”

I want you to picture what you really want.

Create a vision of what success looks and feels like. We naturally will gravitate toward the image we have in our mind. By imagining a mental picture of what we really want, we get a clarity about what success look like. The wonderful thing about imagining your ideal is this. The same neurons that fire when we imagine are the same ones that fire when we actually do that something. When we  imagine, our brain neurons can’t tell the difference between imagining and actually doing it.

 I often ask my student to imagine that they are studying for the upcoming exam. Imagine where you are sitting. What you are wearing? What is on the table in front of you? What expression is on your face? How to you feel? What does this image mean? What does this image say about the kind of person you are? What are other people around you doing? Imagining you doing your ideal will produce a positive feeling. That’s what we want. We want to feel better. We want to feel positive.

You might need help identifying the positive feeling you want because we naturally default to the negative. It is easier to think about all our faults and our negative feelings. It takes purposeful thinking to imaging the positive. Try asking yourself these questions to help you with imagining the idea. What if you were to feel this ideal way instead the next this situation or interaction happens? What excites you most as you think about this possibility? How will things go better? Who else will benefit?

Do this.

Pretend something magical has happened and you fully experience your ideal feeling the next time you have the situation you want to shift. See yourself going through the day with this ideal feeling. What do you see yourself thinking, saying and doing in your mind that creates this?

Remember we cannot control other people or situations so allow everyone and everything to be the same in your vision except for you.

Act in Alignment – Step Three

In the third step in appreciative living we want to take a small step forward towards the ideal. Small steps are more likely to be successful. Big steps require more to be successful. Taking small steps is like an experiment. Experimenting teaches us what works and what doesn’t.

Do this.

Think of one thing you can do no matter how small, to move you towards what you want. What can you do to feel that ideal feeling the next time you are in the situation you want to change? Jacquelin Kelm, in her book the Joy of Appreciative Living tells us, “…positive emotion is essential for effective change. Creating more joy not only feels good: it is central to living a productive life.”

Are you ready? Do you have that one small step no matter how small, to move you towards what you want. Towards feeling that you feel when you fully experience your ideal?

Recap to living everyday successfully during a pandemic.

• Focus
• Appreciate What Is.
• Imagine the Ideal
• Act in Alignment

Remember my chemistry student, his one thing he wanted to change was finding his keys in the morning. He could appreciate what is when he thought about how his family was supportive of him getting his college degree. He liked school and he liked where he lived. His ideal was waking up, getting dressed and knowing where his keys were. The feeling he had when he experienced his ideal was feeling smart, feeling like he got his act together, feeling like he was ready to face whatever came at him during the day. His small step towards that ideal was to hang up the hook his mom had purchased for him when he moved into his new apartment. Simple right? Right! It’s not a deep abstract solution. It is simple. It was a simple small step that would move this student toward what he wanted.

I will end this blog post with a question. What small step, no matter how small, can you take that will move you toward what you want?