The holidays are here – Thanksgiving, Christmas, the end of the year, and all the other holidays vying for our attention. All the planning and managing of expectations can leave a bitter taste in our mouths, even as we’re drowning in pumpkin spice everything. Expectations seem to come at us from all directions—others, external sources, and, of course, our own inner perfectionist. For moms, creating magic every year feels like an unspoken job description, complete with a hefty side of holiday stress. The pressure to perform inevitably invites perfectionism, which leads to procrastination, and, finally, to sleep deprivation—because, let’s face it, magic is only made after everyone else is asleep and the fairies show up to dance under the starlight.
Using Perspective and Prudence – Character Strengths – to Set Your Values
Let’s lean into our God-given character strengths—the ones that make you uniquely you. It’s kinda like being true to yourself. Think about those deep-in-your-bones strengths, like perspective, to focus on what truly matters, and prudence, to set realistic expectations. Here’s a suggestion: sit down and journal about your values. Reflect on the ones you want to live by, the ones you want your life to be defined by. Forget the Pinterest-perfect image of Advent with its perfectly coordinated wreaths and glittery ideals. Instead, think about the values you and your family want to uphold over generations—what truly matters in the long run? Don’t let social media’s highlight reels decide that for you.
Once you’ve identified your values, remember they’re not just words on a page. These are the kind of values passed down from the wisdom of the sages, the gray-haired, apron-wearing grandmothers. They’re the whispered prayers over a baby being cradled in your arms in the quiet hours of the night.
~Dr. Ruth Bomar
Fine-tune your list down to a handful of values that will guide your life, your decisions, and even your organizational tasks. Write them down, put them somewhere visible, and let them remind you of what really matters.
When planning holiday activities, let your values take the lead. Ask yourself: What’s true about this activity? What’s your desire regarding it? Take Christmas cards, for example. Sending family photo cards might align with your value of staying connected with family and friends or celebrating your beliefs and traditions.
Personally, I adore receiving those cards—adding them to my collection of magnet-held photos on the fridge, where kids seem to grow taller year after year.
But let’s be honest—color-coordinating family outfits and wrangling everyone’s schedules for a photo can quickly morph into a logistical nightmare. Let’s talk about the reality: Mom is usually the one orchestrating the entire process (the unspoken job description strikes again). The photo shoot? It’s complete with the soundtrack of whining, crying, and a touch of thinly veiled resentment. So, the big question is: Does this tradition truly align with my values and the life I want to live? (Also, to my extended family, I hope this doesn’t get me cut off from your Christmas card list. I really do love seeing your kids grow up on my fridge!)
Expectations come to us from all directions.
Honesty and Courage to Re-Think Holiday Traditions
Sometimes, we need to tap into our character strengths—honesty to admit how we feel, courage to make a change, prudence to plan realistically, and perspective to see the bigger picture. These strengths help us make genuine decisions: Do we keep the tradition, let it go, or modify it?
Take my friend, for example. She used to send Christmas cards with a family photo every year, without fail. One particularly overwhelming year, she made the courageous decision to switch it up. Instead of scrapping the tradition, she sent her cards at Valentine’s Day instead. It was a beautiful solution—she stayed connected with loved ones but gave herself the gift of breathing room.
This is a perfect example of reevaluating a tradition with perspective and prudence. Look at the activity, assess whether it aligns with your values, and decide whether to keep, let go, or modify it.
Practical Next Step to Simplify Your Holiday Season
Here’s a practical idea to try:
Write down all the holiday priorities you feel you “should” tackle. Be honest with yourself. Then rank them.
Circle the top three to five that truly matter to you and your family, and give yourself permission to let the rest go.
It might just be the most freeing decision you make this holiday season.
